Discouragement, Confusion, and a touch of Loneliness
This is just a blog. I’ve not tried to really write a real blog and I’ve more focused my direction of writing to articles about Christian living. I thought I might just vent for a second in a blog. I’m James Mitchell, I’m 22 years old about to be 23. I honestly spiritually seem to have a lot of things going for me in my life. I was just informed last week I’m gonna be trained into becoming out first Praise and Worship leader, something I’ve always wanted to be able to do.
My pastor recently asked me to start a nursing home ministry, he put me in charge of starting a drama team and doing all plays and such for our church. I’ve been apart of jail ministry before, I’m head of all our media ministry. I was just ordained a few weeks ago. God is really moving spiritually for me and I thank him and Praise him for all those things and what he’s doing and I’ll do my best to serve in any capacity that I can. But even with all those things going on, It doesn’t exclude me or any of us from the feelings of discouragement, confusion, or loneliness. I’m gonna be the first to admit, My home life isn’t great, God is truly moving in my family, but for the most part, most of them refuse to let God be a part of their lives. I struggle with that continuously and desire to see them come into the truth.
The confusion really gets me too. I’ve felt my calling to be something that it’s not become yet and I’m a little bit of an impatient person. I dream continuously of that coming to pass and sure God’s beginning to use me more in other area’s but not even the slightest in that area that I dream of. I know God has it all under control and he knows what’s going on and he’ll move when he’s ready for me but I’m still confused. Last of all is the loneliness. I desire more than any other young man to find that special one, to meet her, be with her, marry her and live the remainder of my life with that one God has for me, someone to help me out when times are rough and be that special help my ministry needs. But I find myself faced with a situation of having someone there that would fill that position, but things just don’t work out to make that happen, at times it feels right, at others, it feels completely wrong, that in itself draws confusion and I really don’t know how to handle it. It’s like we can’t get on the same page, then on top of that, there are no other options except to remain single.
I’m completely fine with that if that’s what God wants but it just makes it rough, no one to talk to, no best friends any longer, no one to confide in except my pastor who’s a VERY BUSY man and I hate to bother him. To top it all off, I don’t exactly have a high paying job. I only make enough to get by and sometimes that’s really not enough, young ladies don’t want a man like that, they want someone with a house, good paying steady job, that security is what they want, to know that he’ll take care of them financially. Well, I feel that I want to be that man, but in the area, I live and the cards I’ve been dealt, I’ve just not been able to make that happen. I’m discouraged, confused, and lonely when it comes to my life but I know that through it all God will take care of me. God has promised it to me and I’ll never let that go. I said all that to say this, it doesn’t matter what you face or how great your ministry comes, you can still have heartache and pain, none of us are invincible and I see that every day when I wake up and look in the mirror.
Everything in my life screams backslide, had a elder lady the other morning after I preached come up and say she was so proud of me but she thought that I was gonna backslide early on, not two of the young preachers that did, because they were 2nd and 3rd generation Pentecostals, and I’m the first generation, they have family history in church and I don’t, everything in my life says I won’t make it, but I said I will. I’m not letting the devil win, he will not steal my victory or my joy, I’ve pressed hard for 6 years against spirits that I wished I’d never had to face, but I didn’t give up and I’m not going to now. God is my strength, my victory and joy are in his presence. God bless you all and thanks for reading, keep me in your prayers, please!
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