Can’t Say It

Can't Say It

In case you don’t know me, let me tell you a little about myself. I am a wife and mother of 2 terrific children. I live a charmed and perfect life free of worry and strife. Problems, I don’t know anything about them. My job is like a dream filled with satisfaction. AND my house stays spotless all the time, especially with my 2 dogs that are completely housebroken. Yup, I guess you could say I’m perfect and so is my wonderful life.

And now that you are paying attention….NOT! The only correct part is I am a wife of 20 years and I do have 2 terrific children. OK, my life is perfect even with its many imperfections.

I almost had an out of body experience the other day. Since I would like to think I must have been crowned the reigning “Queen of Stress” when I was too busy stressing out to notice, well, let me just say, I was having a particularly bad day. And at the apex of all the turmoil I get to my office to make some insurance calls with only 1 hour to do them and one of my other 2 office mates in my 3X9 cell was on my phone, on a personal call, that went on and on and on…..

First I said, “Ok, this is Ok, I can look at some other stuff.” But as time passed and she moved from her daughter’s trip out west to the swimming pool I could feel myself “nutting up” (as my sister would say). I became more and more agitated until I realized that I was one twitch away from being carted off to “Room 8” in the Emergency Department my office is housed in.

And 20 minutes after I entered my little space she ended her call, ending my close call with a police escort to Savannah for an evaluation. So I promptly made my calls and finished well within the time limit I had.

Isn’t it funny how something so trivial can cause you to fly to the brink of sanity? I face so many challenges each day with work, balancing my family and helping my parents with some health issues they are facing, but yet something so insignificant can just seem like the end of the world.

Recently I was with my parents in their motor home while we were receiving some training on a machine for them to use at home. My Dad was feeling poorly, my Mom was having problems and feeling poorly and I awoke just after 3am with chest pain which sat me straight up in bed. I happen to be an RN (for those who don’t know) and I immediately checked my pulse which was very erratic. I got up so I would not disturb my Mom and went to the bathroom and began to pray. As I said my token prayer for help, I was constantly assessing myself and using my nursing judgement to decide what I should do.

Finally I decided to see if I could lie back down. And I did for a moment until I felt like I couldn’t breathe for the weight on my chest and the arrhythmia of my heart beat was increasing. My jaw began to hurt and I began to feel panicked. I closed my eyes and while continuing to monitor my pulse I simply said “OK, Lord, I have no choice here, I’ve got to trust You.”

Immediately my heart rate converted to a normal rhythm and the pain lifted. I opened my eyes and looked straight into my parents mirrored closet door where in bright red I saw the word “SEE” (it was 335 am) and I began to weep.

I do see, I see that I’ve got to trust Him with the big issues as well as the little issues. He can handle my chest pain and He can give me the assurance that I will complete my tasks even when something seems to block my way.

And it’s through this TRUST that I build FAITH. He sends things our way to “perfect” that faith. I have to learn in bad times He is working for my Good. I would that I could tell you about my “perfect life” free from strive or worry, but I can’t say that. What I can say is I know these worries and strife’s are for a season, a season I must endure if I’m going to endure to the end.

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