My past isn’t a pretty one. It’s sordid, ugly and obscene. Most of it isn’t appropriate to repeat in a public setting such as this publication. However, today, I’m blessed beyond measure and all credit goes to my King, Savior, and Lord: Jesus Christ. It’s a blessing I want to share with you, or I may explode from gratefulness and thanksgiving!
“The LORD is longsuffering, and of great mercy, forgiving iniquity and transgression, and by no means clearing the guilty, visiting the iniquity of the fathers upon the children unto the third and fourth generation. Pardon, I beseech thee, the iniquity of this people according to the greatness of thy mercy, and as thou hast forgiven this person, from Egypt even until now.” Numbers 14.18-19
My Gr-Gr-Grandmother was a strong-willed woman. She was abused by her husband and began a family in her teens. One of her children was my Gr-Grandmother, “Mother”. She was an eccentric beauty who loved nature, animals and a hateful man. Mother started a family young and gave birth to my Grandmother, “Mommy”.
Mommy was a woman had a rare beauty that began inside and made her outside shine. She married a handsome, abusive wanderer and had many children at a very young age. Her oldest was my mother, “Mom”.
Mom was physically abused by her stepfather and emotionally abused by her mother. In Mom’s teenage years, she lived a life of selfish abandon. She had many boyfriends, trying to fill the emptiness of her life.
At 18 years of age, Mom found out she was pregnant with me. She searched everywhere for someone to give her an abortion. She absolutely did not want me but had no choice. A fact I will live with forever.
When I was born, Grandma took me home with her and became my “Mommy”. My first five years were wonderful. I had a Mommy and Daddy who loved me. I was fine. Until my mother decided that since she got married, she should take me away from my family. Looking back, I realize this wasn’t done to help me. My mother saw the opportunity hurt her mom, justify it and relish it. Malicious intent, to be sure.
And so began my abuse. From childhood and into my teens, I suffered from sexual, physical, emotional abuse.
At 18 years of age, I found out I was pregnant. I had one paycheck. Enough to get me and my unborn child to California on a Greyhound Bus. Once there, I stayed with a distant uncle and his family for a couple of months. It was long enough to get me through the morning sickness, fatigue, and migraines. I thank the Lord for His mercy and for my uncle.
As my baby grew inside me, I would sing to her and tell her stories and PRAYED over for her.(I just knew she was a girl!) I wasn’t a Christian, but, I believed in God. I didn’t know about laying on of hands, but, instinctively I did it. Because I was desperate: my daughter could not suffer what the generations of our women had lived through.
Every night, I would rub my growing belly, crying, “Please, God, if there is a God, save my child from my family. Let this curse end with me. Don’t let her be hurt and abused. Don’t let her become a mother this young! Please God, have mercy on my child!” On July 28, 1982, I gave birth to a precious girl. And I continued to pray.
With the curse intact, the enemy of my soul used it to the nines. I was plagued with fear and condemnation. Then, one day, out of the blue, an Apostolic woman knocked on my door. She told me about the beauty and simplicity of the Gospel and asked me to go to church with her. I did.
Eventually, after struggles and arguing with the Lord, I was baptized in Jesus’ name and filled with the Holy Ghost! When the Lord gave me the keys to overcome-I did! My prayer became, “I curse the curse of my generations! I bless my daughter in Jesus’ name! I plead the blood of Christ over her, that nothing come to my daughter except it be filtered through the blood!”
I was desperate for my daughter to live free from the shame, harm, abuse and curse of the generations before us. I recognized it in me and I pled to the Lord to sever the bond of iniquity with me. Let it end, NOW.
Hebrews 11.1 says,”Now faith is the substance of things hoped for, the evidence of things not seen.”
A few years ago, Lindsay called me, and we had a wonderful conversation. We talked about her soon arrival home from Afghanistan and her wonderful boyfriend that loves her to pieces. She made sure to add, “yes, Mom, I love him, too!”
There was a break in the flow of our conversation, and Lindsay said, “I want to thank you, Mom, for your prayers when you were pregnant with me.” She went on, “I’ve looked at the women in our family. Do you realize that I have been spared those horrible things? It’s because you prayed for me while I was still inside you, Mom.”
At that moment, I realized, the Lord had heard the desperate cries of an unsaved girl for her unborn child.
“Before I formed thee in the belly I knew thee, and before thou camest forth out of the womb I sanctified thee, and I ordained thee a prophet unto the nations.” Jeremiah 1.5
