Trusting In Him

Trusting in Him

Isn’t it funny how the smallest words seem to have the largest, deepest meaning?
Well, this word has certainly come to life for me over and over again during the past few months. In October of last year, I woke up with the scripture “Thou wilt keep him in perfect peace, whose mind is stayed on thee: because he trusteth in thee.” Isaiah 26:3
I didn’t exactly know what this meant, but judging from my past, I knew there was only one reason God has awaken me with thoughts of a scripture on my mind. The last time this happened, God had awakened me with “Buy the truth and sell it not.”
I won’t go into that story in detail, but I will say that soon after, I was faced with temptations of which I did not reverence the scripture God had given me. I ended up selling out. I can honestly say it was not an even trade, and I came up on the short side of that deal. Thankfully, God brought me through it all, and I am still standing today!
So, in essence, when I woke up that October morning with this new scripture on my mind, I knew it was sent to help prepare me for something that was to come.
Sure enough, it was only a few weeks down the road, the trials started coming. The first of which was being diagnosed with Bells Palsy. For those who aren’t aware of what this is, it is nerve damage that causes facial paralysis.
In my case, the seventh cranial nerve was somehow damaged, which caused all of the muscles in the left side of my face to be completely paralyzed. Along with that side of my face not moving an inch, the other side of my face pulled away, caused me to look severely deformed. Along with the facial deformity came severe headaches, similar to migraines, sensitivity to light and sound, and an overall feeling of pure exhaustion.
On top of that, the doctors could offer me no explanation as to how it happened or any hope as to when or if I would ever recover. The best I got was “Yeah, I wouldn’t look forward to getting better any time soon.”
WOAH! I think if I hadn’t had such a horrible, nauseating headache and a severe sensitivity to sound, I probably would have yelled at the guy.
Some may not see the true burden in this disease. Let me explain with a little more detail. Alongside all of the aforementioned pains of Bells Palsy, there are several other little proverbial splinters.
For example, my left eye would not blink on its own. Therefore, I would have to manually force my eyelid shut with my thumb and forefinger several times an hour. I would also have to play pirate princess and wear a patch over my eye so it wouldn’t dry out while I slept.
To go on, tasks such as eating and drinking become painstaking. I had no muscles to control the left side of my face; therefore, I would have to chew on my right side. This not only had a tendency to make people stare, food had a tendency to either get caught in the abyss of my motionless jaw or fall out of my mouth completely. Yes, it gives a whole new meaning to the word “bib.”
I have also learned that straws are not only for women who want to be ladies. They are for those whose lips don’t close completely before liquid has a chance to escape. What can I say, straws have become one of my closest friends these last few months.
Talking. This task, which I have been a pro at since I was a wee babe, will never have the same meaning. With Bells Palsy I suddenly learned what it felt like to have a speech impediment. Not only was talking more difficult in mechanics, it was nearly impossible to say any words that had the letters p, f, w, r or s in it. Try teaching a class with dually-diagnosed, emotionally disturbed, juvenile criminals in it. It has been challenging, to say the least.
I actually have to say my students, for the most part, have been sensitive in dealing with me. Though, I have gotten the occasional “Dude, what’s wrong with your face.” “How do you do that …. Blink one eye and not the other?” “Did you get a tooth pulled?” And, of course, my favorite – “I wouldn’t go out in public if my face looked like that. No offense.”
Though I think I have painted a pretty prickly picture so far, I have not even gotten to what I have concluded is the very worst part of this disease. What has burdened me the most – my inability to smile.
I can truly say that before I was diagnosed with Bells Palsy, I never thought much about the act of smiling. Not until I was unable to do so. This stage in my life has taught me how important it is to be able to smile.
Life seems so burdensome sometimes, that smiling can be the last thing on anyone’s mind. What I have learned though, is that smiling has a strength within it I hadn’t ever noticed before. I will never take the ability to smile for granted again.
I said all of that to paint of picture of what my life has been like since I woke up with that scripture on my mind. In this trial of my life, I was faced with a choice to make. I could have chosen to take on a negative attitude, hide away in my house, and be miserable until I was better.
Or, I could have put my mind on Jesus, placed my trust in Him, and keep living life as though nothing had changed.
I am happy to say, that with the encouragement and prayer of my friends, I made the latter choice. I won’t say it was easy to do. But, it was very necessary.
“God intended me to shine – whether I am beautiful or not,” I said to people often, when they would say they didn’t know how I could keep on going. “I’m just trusting God, and I know He is going to work everything out.”
And that scripture, about keeping my mind stayed on the Lord, has played over and over in my mind.
Not only through the trials I’ve faced with Bells Palsy, but with other bumps in the road that have arisen over the past few months.
I am learning not only how important it is to trust, but how important it is in where I place my trust.
It is easy to trust friends and family. But, no matter how great, they will eventually fall short of being perfect.
It is easy to trust in the government. Cough. Cough. But, assuredly, your name will become a number that will be lost among billions of others.
It is easy to trust in money. But I promise, situations will arise in which money will have little to no value at all.
It is easy to trust in yourself. But, in all honesty, I think most of us are aware that even in our glory, we are full of error and irreversible flaws.
Therefore, I can only conclude, I will place my trust where it is sure to accrue the highest interest rate on the growing market.
I will place my trust in Jesus.
He has yet to fail me. He has never left my side when I have needed Him the most. He has never lied to me, or directed me the wrong way. He has always, in every instance I can think of, proven Himself true. He has been that friend that sticks closer than a brother. He has been my redeemer. He has been my peace. He has been my joy. He has been absolutely everything to me, and more than I can portray with mere words.
So, when the expression “I have a lot on my mind,” rolls off my tongue, and you are confused about how calm and peaceful I seem, I want you to know how true it is. I will have Jesus on my mind.
“Though wilt keep him in perfect peace, whose mind is stayed on thee: because he trusteth in thee. Isaiah 26:3